Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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