Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
