2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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