I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize