just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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