In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
