know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
