fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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