do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
