i will never coherently bang her
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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