I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
