That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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