is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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