She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
