come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
