I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
