I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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