I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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