whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
