The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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