i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
