Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
