Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
