omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
