So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
