he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
