For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
