I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
