this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
