He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
