what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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