Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
