I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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