We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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