I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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