remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
