i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
