So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
3 2 1 whiskey
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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