32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
