hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
