I don't usually arrange sex via text message
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
