I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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