SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
