did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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