Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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