porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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