420 ftw
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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