The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
