First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
