I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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