I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
