yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize