just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
