last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
