chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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