God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
