you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
