Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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