your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
