I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
