I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
