R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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