It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
