Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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