I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
