Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
organizing the empties. That sober.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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