nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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